Kumustahan #10: 25 years old and shits are getting real— a realization of your favorite Leo

This week has marked my 25th year. 

Weirdly enough, I was happy celebrating my birthday. In fact, this has been the "happiest" birthday I've had so far or at least in my recent memory. The past years had been so blue and forgettable that I didn't feel that my day was still worthy to be celebrated. I was surely demotivated and it was truly getting harder for me to see the beauty of getting a year older each passing year. I was depressed and very far from what I am now. And seeing myself being this way— merrier, extrovert, and carefree— is very very strange. I don't think I have been this liberated my whole life. I don't think I have smiled or laugh this much before. I don't think I have been this excited to wake up every day. Everything feels anew and I feel like I have been experiencing "life" lately or should I say eversince I had my career shift. Not only I was redirected to another profession, but my life has literally turned over a new leaf...and it's crazy!

This even influenced the way I see birthdays. I used to have these birthday blues every year. I had that hatred towards the world for allowing me to go through awkwardness of hearing people greeting me nonsense and the forced enthusiasm of preparing something for this supposed-to-be just a normal day. I hated myself for having a birthday and the people around me who don't have a single idea that I hated them for greeting me giddily. But now, everything feels so different— a good different. 

Before I celebrated last August 22nd, I decided to book a self-shoot studio in preparation for my 25th. The fact that I put myself in a situation where I used to avoid is already enough proof that I have changed for the past 4 months. I hated cameras as they forced me to smile which I hated so much. For me, smiling needs a lot of effort to do. Smiling has been something that requires me to be genuine, hence I avoid taking pictures cause I am aware that I couldn't give a genuine smile. But last Aug 19, I smiled a lot. More than a lot that I could have ever imagined. And I had never smiled that much before! 

And it dawned on me how I am loving myself lately. I love how I am slowly getting there— I don't know exactly where but I like myself a lot better now. I feel like the confidence I lost when I started working which is the same confidence that I had been trying to work on all these years is now slowly getting back to its place. I have been praying for this to the heavens and it feels so fucking good that the second quarter of 2023 has become nothing but promising to me. 

That's why I was so happy this whole week. 

I have been in a good mood. 

I am delighted that I was able to hit that 25th mark with now a positive mind. 25 should be celebrated this way! I am thankful for all those greetings I received and it's really true that the best compliment we could have is when people say that we look happier.

And that is what I have been longing to hear all my life. I want to be happy. Genuinely happy. 

To the heaven's favorite Leo, Happy 25th Birthdayyy Thea!