Hmmm...

12/4/21

Lest

12/04/2021



Dearest,
I feel like, for a while, I haven't been at rest.
Lately, I don't feel much like myself or at my best.
In this world, that's just the way of things, I guess.
Life, yes, 
it sucks—
one moment, it's like a gritty urban drama,
then shortly after, it shifts into a sidesplitting jest.
It's like the splendid view of an erupting volcano—a beautiful disaster—
only to turn into some kind of old-time mess.
I suppose it’s a quest or a test:
to brave that sea with nothing but a vest.
So yes, 
step into the world dressed
with spirit and zest.

Greatly,
Dearest

Nay, Nasan Ka Na?

12/04/2021



Ilang araw na mababaw ang luha,
siguro ilang araw na rin kasing pinipigilan ang pag-iyak.
Nakakulong sa dibdib ang bigat
na hindi maibulalas.
Ang hirap buhatin,
nakakasakal sa lalamunan—
parang may pighating nakabara roon,
gusto nang kumawala,
pero tinitikom ang bibig
para hindi umimpit
ang sakit na ilang araw nang binobote
ng nagpapanggap na tapang.

Lihim na tumatakas ang luha, minsan,
tuwing walang tao at nakapako
ang titig sa kawalan.
Minsan tulala,
tinatanaw ang mga alaala
na sana’y kayang buhayin
ng pagnilay-nilay.

Nasaan ka na kaya, Nay?

Sumisikip ang dibdib tuwing
iniisip na marahil naglalakbay
ka lang mag-isa…
Tinatawag ang mga pangalan namin,
pero hindi na abot ng boses mo
ang mundong nilisan mo na.
At ang sakit isipin na hindi na kita makikita
tuwing umaga, paggising ko.
Hindi ka na hihingi sa akin ng pabor
na isabay ang kape mo sa pagtimpla ko.
Hindi na kita masusubuan ng kanin at hiniwa-hiwang saging.
Hindi mo na kami makukulit at pauutusan
na matulog sa gabi.

Nay, nasaan ka na?

Umiiyak ang puso ko.
Nalulungkot ang puso ko.

Hindi na uli kita makikita.
Gusto kitang makita, tulad ng mga nakaraang karaniwang araw.
Gusto kong muling mabuhay sa mga panahong iyon.
Dahil kasabay ng paglisan mo sa pisikal na mundo
ang pagpanaw ng bahagi ng puso ko.


SEE IT AS IT IS. NAME IT. STOP IT.

12/04/2021

There's a reason why, for the first time in a long while, I feel compelled to post something here on my account. I’m doing this in the hope that it reaches the person it’s meant for. Some might think I should confront him directly through a personal message rather than make him a blind item like this. However, his actions have gone too far—beyond anything I could have imagined. Not naming him is my way of dismissing his existence because a person like him doesn’t deserve to be addressed by his name. Instead, I’ll call him what he truly is: a HYPOCRITE, a COWARD, and TRASH.

Yesterday, Mama came home from her barangay duty with puffy eyes. I thought it was just another day for her, but when she came to me, fighting back tears, I almost cried myself. She told me about someone who, for over a year now, has been targeting her with sexist and cruel remarks. At first, I tried to brush it off, thinking, What else can I expect from a scumbag? But as she revealed more, my heart grew heavier with anger and hatred. How could someone stoop so low?

Mama had finally had enough and denounced him at the barangay. His defense? “It was just a joke.” Biro lang daw. What a joke, indeed.

"Hindi ka naman kagandahan..."

"Ginapang mo lang siguro ang asawa mo"

"Hindi ka nakapagtapos ng pag-aaral..."

"Nakikita pa kitang naka-panty nung bata ka pa"

These are the jokes he claims to have made. But no matter how I look at them, there’s nothing funny about them. Jokes are not meant to degrade or humiliate. What he’s said is not funny—it’s vile. And what’s worse, he knows exactly what’s happening in our lives, both past and present. How he gets his information, I don’t know, and I don’t care. What bothers me is how he uses that knowledge against Mama to spread malicious rumors.

He even had the audacity to complain about Mama not liking his Facebook posts and to joke about why she doesn’t treat him to food. How absurd!

What I can’t understand is how he feels entitled to say such things to Mama when they’re not even close—and has been doing so for over a year. Even if they were close (thankfully, they’re not), he’s old enough to know what’s appropriate and what isn’t. And now he’s upset that Mama reported him? Let me say this: I am beyond proud of Mama for standing up for herself. She knew when enough was enough, and she acted on it.

While I am proud of her bravery, I’m also filled with shame knowing this man plans to run for barangay office. How can someone so trashy think he’s fit to serve the community? The way he treats my mother speaks volumes. If he can do this to one woman, how can anyone believe that women in our community would be safe with him in power? He doesn’t even know the difference between a joke and an insult.

Hearing about this while I was on my work shift completely threw me off. His so-called jokes aren’t funny—they’re infuriating. And no one should ever blame a person for not finding their "jokes" amusing. Humor isn’t universal, and if your words hurt someone, that’s your cue to stop and apologize. Continuing despite their discomfort shows how problematic you are.

I keep replaying everything he’s said to Mama, and I can’t imagine how she managed to stay composed. Just hearing it secondhand fills me with rage; how much more pain must she have felt enduring it firsthand? It breaks my heart that this has been happening for so long and that I only found out about it yesterday. It breaks my heart that she’s been carrying this burden alone.

I’m posting this here now, hoping to raise awareness about a serious issue. Rape remarks, sexist humor, and demeaning jokes—against women or any minority group—are never acceptable. They’re never funny.

SEE IT FOR WHAT IT IS. NAME IT. STOP IT.

This was written on November 17, 9:54 AM. I was seething with anger as I wrote this, and I still am. Initially, I wanted to post this on Facebook, but fear held me back. I worry that doing so might lead to more bullying for Mama, not just from him but from others who support him. I fear that our neighbors, swayed by his "good deeds" (a thinly veiled attempt to buy their votes), might turn against us.

I feel guilty for not doing more for Mama. I should act, but I’m afraid it will cause her more trouble than resolution.

I hate that I’m waiting for another wave of anger to push me into action. I don’t want Mama to go through this again.

For now, I’m sharing this here to let it out into the world. This may be the least I can do, but I know I’m capable of more. I just don’t know when.

SO WHEN, THEA?