Not so long ago, a man died in our neighborhood much to everyone's surprise. I was on my usual setup– tapping and clicking, and despite the slurring noises outside our home slowly building up like a wildfire, I did not dare to get an eyeful of the situation. However, last Tuesday, around 3 am in the morning, we were awaken by a howling of a man. It was so loud and woeful that I could not breathe the moment I opened my eyes, I felt like I was being strangled to death as I could taste the sorrow in his voice while he was crying out.

Tulong! Tulong! Tulooong! (Help! Help! Heeeeelp!)

He kept bawling these words repeatedly and it felt so close to my ears even he was there outside. I did not get up as soon as I came back to my senses, I was too afraid of what I might see once I look over the window.

What if he was being murdered on that spot? And someone saw me watching over with such burning curiosity? What if they shoot me without a skip and I'll be dead?

No, I was not being paranoid just because I woke up in the middle of a good night sleep. This is not something new in our neighborhood– being shot like it is a normal thing to do. I waited and listened to any signs of initiatives from our neighbors, if ever someone would take a bold chance to step foot despite the risk.

Then, I heard him again, weeping a familiar name.

Ayong... Tulong—tuloooong. Ayong. Tuloooong. Ayong. (Ayong...Help her—heeeelp. Ayong. Heeeeelp her)

That exact moment, I got up and walked towards the window. It was dark there, almost everywhere, but I knew where his voice was coming from. I could not see anything from where I stood but I saw that more people where starting to take a look of what was happening, all panicky.

Si Ayong, nanigas yung katawan. Nahimatay. (Ayong's body froze. She fainted.)

He was crying still, but we could make out what he was trying to say. She had a heart attack and she needs to be brought to the hospital!

One moment, everyone was just on their sleep, and the next thing happened, we were all became anxious and wakeful.

Just like what happened a month ago, the situation we had witnessed was a shock to everyone. She was Ayong, the owner of the house just across ours. She was a loud woman, she has a blaring voice and reckless personality that I hated so much. For someone who only wants her day at peace, I did not appreciate even once how she always came off with a lack of consideration to her surroundings. She was offensively impolite and ever tactless.

And the night before she had a heart attack, she sure seemed fine. No one would think nor expect that just a few hours after midnight, a sudden cardiac death would happen, and it was to someone who has never seen lifeless ever since she got out of prison.

I know I had a good sleep when I woke up this morning with my dream still lingering in my groggy consciousness.

Today, I dreamt about a double rainbow. I was inside our home with my sister and nephew, looking out at the sky. At first, I was the only one who noticed the multicolored arch, but after a few blinks, there it was—another arch of wonder—a double rainbow! My gasp at the sight quickly drew their attention, and just like that, I woke up.

While working earlier, the dream kept crossing my mind. I couldn’t resist the urge to take a quick break and google its meaning—which I eventually did, but only after finishing my tasks. Since I was trying to avoid binge-watching Normal People (I’m on episode 7, by the way), I decided to dive into interpretations of what a double rainbow could symbolize in dreams.

According to what I read (and I read a lot), dreaming of a rainbow often symbolizes a turning point in life or a new beginning. Because seeing a rainbow in real life is so unpredictable, it’s said to represent unexpected changes on the horizon. In short, it signifies a shift in life’s course. How I wish that shift came with a pot of gold at the end of the arch! I mean, wouldn’t it be nice to suddenly be rich?

But what about a double rainbow?

Apparently, seeing a double rainbow in a dream symbolizes harmony, peace, and discovering your life’s purpose. How ironic, considering I’m in a phase where I feel deeply confused about what I want and what I should do. Could this dream be a sign? A nudge to just go through this stage, giving myself room to grow in my new profession, even amidst the uncertainty? Maybe it’s telling me that if I can’t embrace it despite my efforts, I should allow myself the freedom to move on.

One article I found (yes, I read several—what can I say, I needed validation) mentioned that seeing multiple rainbows in a dream indicates making peace with oneself. That interpretation felt both beautiful and comforting. Ever since I resigned from my first job, I’ve been living with a push-and-pull mindset. What if I hadn’t left? Would things be better now? Perhaps I’d be more at ease, enjoying a great work culture with my favorite teammates. But then again, maybe I’d be stagnant—working but not growing. I wouldn’t have faced the daily challenges that push me out of my comfort zone, nor would I have learned to confront fears head-on. And maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t be writing this blog post or dreaming about double rainbows.

The same article suggested that my dream could reflect my struggles with identity and regrets over missed opportunities—burdens that are weighing me down and stunting my progress. However, the double rainbow is a sign of hope. It signifies that I’ll eventually overcome this phase and realize that the actions I take today will shape my future. Persistence, it seems, is the key to brighter days.

This dream felt as unexpected as a rainbow appearing out of nowhere. I don’t usually indulge in things like dream interpretations—they often feel superstitious. But right now, when my life feels unsteady, I find solace in the idea. Perhaps this small thing is what I need: a breather, a gentle reminder that the universe can offer something vague yet meaningful, disguised as what we’re searching for—a sign, validation, or reassurance. Sometimes, it’s enough to calm the heart and quiet the mind, a reminder that the world isn’t conspiring to overwhelm us. We’re just too caught up in our own doubts, letting them dull our excitement.

I hope to look back on this entry in a few months and see how far I’ve come. By then, I hope I’ll have adjusted to this new chapter of life. After all, there’s no way to deal with it but to face it head-on.

Good luck, friend!

Along with the queue of all the Oscar-nominated films this year, the Sound of Metal was the first one I got to see. Having no heightened expectations at all, perhaps just a little exposure from Lou’s eyebrows on some Twitter posts, I got to watch the film with such an unfamiliar ease. I like to believe that since I haven’t seen the actors starred in any films I watched before, it helped me to see the Sound of Metal as what it was, with no influence of any existing attachment from their past roles, just from the film itself.

Just like anyone else, Ruben can hardly cope up with everything since he can hear nothing. He was lost, almost always looking like giving up and running away from the harshness of the world. But still, he stayed. Every early in the morning he went to a vacant small room where on the table there's a notebook and a pen and his breakfast. He does not know what exactly he should do there, it was deafening, driving him crazy because he could not understand what's the logic behind that morning routine that he was asked to do.

Having used with the harsh sound of the world, Ruben found himself out of place in the dining area with people who can't speak but who were using sign languages to talk. He was alone. He was lonely. He badly wanted to bring back his hearing. So when he got the chance to undergo an operation, he felt that growing hope. He was supposed to be happy, that was probably what he was imagined to feel once the operation will be successful, and he never thought it would fail because why it would when he already sell their RV for an exchange of enough money? But Ruben, despite having his implants activated, was more than hopeless than happy because of its distorted sound. He flew to Paris where he met Lou's father first and had a rather uncomfortable but needed conversation. In the party, Lou and his father performed a duet and everyone seemed pleased but Ruben in the midst of the crowd felt that once familiar solitude. It was not the same solitude he felt in the shelter where it grew to him comfortable... after spending the night beside Lou, Ruben left while she was sleeping. He walked and listened to the distorted sound of the morning rush, and when he looked up to the ringing of a church bell he removed his implants and sat in silence. 

This film was not exhausting to watch. It did not ask me to render an extra energy just so I can spot every possible metaphor if there is. It was pretty straightforward and something you can consume in one seating. Maybe if there is one thing I like to talk about, it is how loud the film opened, and how the level of noise slowly decreased as the story progressed, and ended with Ruben completely submitting to silence.