Saturday, December 4, 2021

Lest



Dearest,

I feel like I haven't been, for awhile, at rest.
Lately, I don't feel myself that much at my best.
In this world, that just how the way of things, I guess.
Life, yes, it's sucks--
one moment it's like a gritty urban drama,
then shortly after, it shifts into a sidesplitting jest.
Resembling that kind of splendid view of an erupting volcano, a beautiful disaster,
but would turn into some kind of an old-time mess.
I guess, it is a quest or a test,
to take that sea with nothing but a vest.
So, yes, step in to the world dressed
with spirit and zest.

Greatly,
Dearest.

Nanay



Ilang araw na mababaw ang luha
siguro ilang araw na ring kasing pinipigilan ang pag-iyak
nakakulong lang sa dibdib an bigat
na nararamdaman
ang hirap buhatin
nakakasakal sa lalamunan
parang may pighating nakabara roon
gusto kumawala
pero tinitikom na lang ang bibig
para hindi umimpit
ang sakit na ilang araw nang binobote
ng nagpapanggap na tapang.

lihim na tumatakas ang luha minsan
tuwing walang tao at nakapirmi
ang titig sa kawalan
minsan tulala
tinatanaw ang mga alaala
na sana kayang buhayin ng
pagmumuni-muni.

nasan ka na kaya Nay?

sumisikip ang dibdib tuwing
iniisip na marahil naglalakbay
ka lang mag-isa...
tinatawag ang mga pangalan namin
pero hindi na abot ng boses mo
ang mundong nalisan mo na
at ang sakit na isipin na hindi na
kita makikita tuwing umaga paggising ko
hindi ka na hihingi sa akin ng pabor
na isabay ang kape mo sa pagtimpla ko
hindi na kita masusubuan muli ng kanin at hiniwa-hiwang saging
hindi mo na kami makukulit at patutulugin
sa gabi...

Nay, nasan ka na.

Umiiyak ang puso ko.
Nalulungkot ang puso ko.

Hindi na uli kita makikita.
Gusto kita makita katulad ng mga nakaraang karaniwang araw na nakikita kita.
Gusto ko uli mabuhay sa mga araw na yun.

Dahil kasabay ng paglisan mo sa pisikal na mundo ang kamatayan ng puso.  


SEE IT AS IT IS. NAME IT. STOP IT.

There's a reason why, for the first time in a very long while, I have to post something here on my account. Doing this so, I expect that this would reach that particular person whom this post is for. Perhaps people would consider the thought of me confronting the person involved through a personal message instead of making him like a blind item like this, however, he has gone extreme already– beyond what I could imagine, and not naming him is my way of dismissing his existence because a person like him doesn't deserve to be called by his name, but with names like HYPOCRITE, COWARD, AND TRASH.


Yesterday, I was greeted by Mama's puffy eyes as she went home from her duty in barangay. I thought it was a usual day for her, but when she went to me fighting off that weep of tears in her eyes... I almost cried. She told me about this person who, for more than a year already, has been targeting her with sexist and rude remarks. I tried to brush it off as I thought "What can I expect from a scumbag?" but as she told me more, my heart got heavier with anger and hatred to that person. Ah why I was surprised that a scumbag can stoop even lower than his level?

Mama was brave enough to denounce it in barangay as she's had enough already of his bullshit, however, his defense was it wasn't his bullshit it was just ONLY A JOKE. BIRO LANG DAW. What a joke, indeed!

"Hindi ka naman kagandahan..."
"Ginapang mo lang siguro ang asawa mo"
"Hindi ka nakapagtapos ng pag-aaral..."
"Nakikita pa kitang naka-panty nung bata ka pa"

So, these were supposed to be taken as a JOKE? Ito yung dinedepensa niya na biro lang, however, kahit anong banda ko tignan walang nakakatawa. And jokes are not intended to be used that way: to discrimate. This is not funny to begin with. How this is supposed to be funny, trash? What is funnier than these bullshits is he knows LITERALLY what's going on with our lives– past and present. Who is his source? I don't care that much. What bothers more than anything is the fact that he uses all the information he found out about kay Mama and turned it against her in the form of pathetic rumors.

He even scowled at Mama for not liking his FB posts and has been *joking* around kung bakit hindi raw nanlilibre si Mama?

What I could not understand is how he could make such jokes to Mama when they are not even close and has been doing it for more than a year already? And if even they are close (and thank god they're not), he's old enough to weigh those remarks if it's amusing or not . And he was even angry na pinabarangay siya ni Mama then let me tell you this I was beyond proud na ginawa yun ni Mama sa kanya. I was beyond proud that Mama knows when to stop something unacceptable, and beyond proud for standing up for herself.

While I am on my proudest moment as a daughter, I am also beyond shameful after knowing that he doesn't need my mother's vote since tatakbo siya sa barangay. How can someone as trashy as him runs for a spot sa barangay? The way he treats my mother speaks volume, if he can do that to a person especially a woman how can we be sure that every woman is safe from someone like him? He doesn't even know what is a joke and what is not.

He has said  a lot of hurtful words to Mama. Hearing it while I was on my shift, made me lost my focus. His "jokes" are not funny, they are never gonna be funny, they are all infuriating. And never blame a person for not taking your jokes with your own standard of joke, we have our own level of sensitivity and if your joke is not funny to them then that's an enough sign to stop and apologize. If you keep going, thinking that it isn't your fault that they don't know how to handle such extreme jokes, you're problematic.

Paulit-ulit na nirerecall ko lahat ng mga pinagsasabi niya kay Mama and I couldn't even imagine how she managed to keep her cool. Just hearing it from her made me already crumpled with so much anger, what more sa kanya? It breaks my heart that it has been happening for a long time and it was only yesterday that I found out about this mistreatment. It breaks my heart that she has been withstanding all of these alone. And I wouldn't budge whatever would happen next, I am posting here on FB hoping to spread awareness on such important issues. Rape remarks, sexist humors and jokes that demean women and other minority groups in whatever form will never be funny from whatever angle one tries to see it.

SEE IT AS IT IS. NAME IT. STOP IT.